IM sorry blogger but im cheating on you, tumblr has my heart now! :P
collectingpeices.tumblr.com
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Today
Today I met a man from Cambodia...He was very quick to tell me how much he hates American food. Hes name was Mark....weird....and he told me how hard it was to live here and be of a different culture...He said that in his country people pride themselves and here they just work and work and try to achieve more and more. Mark is very correct and because of this it inspired me to try out an experiment. Break down the every day things I do and try to view as someone who is not used to the American way of life.
Woke up at 11....(in other countries they are up before the sun toiling away)
Took a shower.....(Many dont even have water to drink)
Ate some pancakes.....(Yeah...some kids in third world countries dont even know what those are)
Drove to the store.....(Cars?? who can afford a car??)
Bought groceries for the week......(some dont even have money to get food for the day)
Watched TV.......(Yet again....who can afford a Tv??)
Slept in a comfy bed.....(theres some that would only dream of a bed.)
My Point???
we are very very spoiled individuals...we should be grateful.
Woke up at 11....(in other countries they are up before the sun toiling away)
Took a shower.....(Many dont even have water to drink)
Ate some pancakes.....(Yeah...some kids in third world countries dont even know what those are)
Drove to the store.....(Cars?? who can afford a car??)
Bought groceries for the week......(some dont even have money to get food for the day)
Watched TV.......(Yet again....who can afford a Tv??)
Slept in a comfy bed.....(theres some that would only dream of a bed.)
My Point???
we are very very spoiled individuals...we should be grateful.
Quotes
"Do what you can with what you have where you are."
-anonymous.
"If your ship does not come in, swim out to it."
-Jonathan Winters
"It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not."
-anonymous
-anonymous.
"If your ship does not come in, swim out to it."
-Jonathan Winters
"It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not."
-anonymous
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Sucks!!! X(
I smile...then i laugh.
Then my laugh turns to sobs.
Then i get angry and punch my wall.
Then my knuckles bleed and i start crying again.
Then i laugh at myself for being a retard and punching things.
So I sing in the shower, then i get soap in my eyes, and i start crying.
Not because it stings, but because my heart hurts.
So I curl up in a ball, all naked and pathetic.
Then i start laughing because the water goes cold.
So i get ready for bed, and start dancing to my favorite music.
Then I trip on my rug and hit my head on my dresser.
So i start crying because i cut my foot in the process.
Then i start laughing because i can imagine what it probably looked like.
Then i start crying because i remembered everything.
Bottom line: I cry alot.
Then my laugh turns to sobs.
Then i get angry and punch my wall.
Then my knuckles bleed and i start crying again.
Then i laugh at myself for being a retard and punching things.
So I sing in the shower, then i get soap in my eyes, and i start crying.
Not because it stings, but because my heart hurts.
So I curl up in a ball, all naked and pathetic.
Then i start laughing because the water goes cold.
So i get ready for bed, and start dancing to my favorite music.
Then I trip on my rug and hit my head on my dresser.
So i start crying because i cut my foot in the process.
Then i start laughing because i can imagine what it probably looked like.
Then i start crying because i remembered everything.
Bottom line: I cry alot.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Stll
I sit here waiting.
Maybe,
to feel something,
Maybe,
just to be content.
surprisingly this pit in my stomach
has dwindled down to an ache,
and the throbbing in my heart has
shrunk to a blurred nothingness.
Last night helped.
The writing on paper of what I wanted to do.
Just me.
All I could accomplish.
But as i got further and further down the list,
there were things i couldnt do alone.
I guess that part comes later.
Ive been looking at polaroids,
a man traveling the country,
meeting people, appreciating the hospitatlitly he recieved.
Naked standing at the edge of a cliff.
Beard blowing in the wind.
He seemed free.
A roamer,
a traveler.
I want to feel.
I sit and i work and i read and i run,
all going round and round.
This endless circle of life that i become so
consumed in.
And yes, the reminder pops into my head once in a while.
A little more lately.
It still hurts.
I still hurt.
But a sense of need spills in.
a need to experience,
live,
grow up,
feel,
appreciate,
a need to be on my own without
anchoring my heart.
Cracks in stones
cracks in my heart.
I can fill them in with flowers and glue.
When a tower falls, the foundation is still standing.
I came crashing down,
windows ablaze with fire.
I had no choice but to hold me breathe
and close my eyes.
So now I'm left with this slab of concrete
and a dark hole going farther and farther down.
I cant fill it in,
shovel by shovel.
Until i can build once more upon it.
This time i'll be more cautious.
Slower,
more careful with the materials i
choose to use.
My tower will be sturdy and next time
if it's attacked, there will be minimal damage.
Maybe,
to feel something,
Maybe,
just to be content.
surprisingly this pit in my stomach
has dwindled down to an ache,
and the throbbing in my heart has
shrunk to a blurred nothingness.
Last night helped.
The writing on paper of what I wanted to do.
Just me.
All I could accomplish.
But as i got further and further down the list,
there were things i couldnt do alone.
I guess that part comes later.
Ive been looking at polaroids,
a man traveling the country,
meeting people, appreciating the hospitatlitly he recieved.
Naked standing at the edge of a cliff.
Beard blowing in the wind.
He seemed free.
A roamer,
a traveler.
I want to feel.
I sit and i work and i read and i run,
all going round and round.
This endless circle of life that i become so
consumed in.
And yes, the reminder pops into my head once in a while.
A little more lately.
It still hurts.
I still hurt.
But a sense of need spills in.
a need to experience,
live,
grow up,
feel,
appreciate,
a need to be on my own without
anchoring my heart.
Cracks in stones
cracks in my heart.
I can fill them in with flowers and glue.
When a tower falls, the foundation is still standing.
I came crashing down,
windows ablaze with fire.
I had no choice but to hold me breathe
and close my eyes.
So now I'm left with this slab of concrete
and a dark hole going farther and farther down.
I cant fill it in,
shovel by shovel.
Until i can build once more upon it.
This time i'll be more cautious.
Slower,
more careful with the materials i
choose to use.
My tower will be sturdy and next time
if it's attacked, there will be minimal damage.
Monday, July 25, 2011
She knows
IF you could envision,
the meaning of a tragedy,
you might be surprised to
hear it's u and me.
When it comes down to it,
you never made the most of it.
So i cried, cried, cried.
Now i say goodbye.
And i wont be made a fool of...
Dont call this love.
-Christina Perri
the meaning of a tragedy,
you might be surprised to
hear it's u and me.
When it comes down to it,
you never made the most of it.
So i cried, cried, cried.
Now i say goodbye.
And i wont be made a fool of...
Dont call this love.
-Christina Perri
Pointless hope
I guess it's ok to admit,
that i wish this were true.
And if it is...Im hoping.
------------------->
Sunday, July 24, 2011
So it hits the fan
Well it would be stupid to deny that im not hurt, i am. What did i expect....thats love.
It burns, it destroys, it sucks. The truth of the matter is this:
Im dissapointed,
in myself.
I was very naive and vain in thinking that all would turn out well.
Im crushed, yet part of me has stopped crying and now im just looking
forward to becoming strong. Thats really all i want right now, strength.
And the ability to not feel so shriveled up and empty. Im longing to feel, something
other than shock. Hope? Anger? Forgiveness? Im not sure. Theres nothing to be mad
about. Thats the hardest part. Im not mad. I could never be mad at him. He did absolutely
nothing wrong, hes caring and smart to end it the way he did, and i have only respect for him.
The issue is:
I let myself become so attached, so involved, so dependent and small that i lost my ability to
detach myself easily, im practically having to scrape myself away from him, away from what we had. Away from everything i wanted. or...thought i wanted. I realize now...i was wrong.
I DONT KNOW WHAT I WANT
It burns, it destroys, it sucks. The truth of the matter is this:
Im dissapointed,
in myself.
I was very naive and vain in thinking that all would turn out well.
Im crushed, yet part of me has stopped crying and now im just looking
forward to becoming strong. Thats really all i want right now, strength.
And the ability to not feel so shriveled up and empty. Im longing to feel, something
other than shock. Hope? Anger? Forgiveness? Im not sure. Theres nothing to be mad
about. Thats the hardest part. Im not mad. I could never be mad at him. He did absolutely
nothing wrong, hes caring and smart to end it the way he did, and i have only respect for him.
The issue is:
I let myself become so attached, so involved, so dependent and small that i lost my ability to
detach myself easily, im practically having to scrape myself away from him, away from what we had. Away from everything i wanted. or...thought i wanted. I realize now...i was wrong.
I DONT KNOW WHAT I WANT
A Warning!!
Stop!
If you are who i think you are, please stop reading this blog. This is not meant for you.
This is solely to rebuild myself after being torn apart. I would appreciate it if you at least gave me that.
If you are who i think you are, please stop reading this blog. This is not meant for you.
This is solely to rebuild myself after being torn apart. I would appreciate it if you at least gave me that.
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