She knows

IF you could envision,
the meaning of a tragedy,
you might be surprised to
hear it's u and me.
When it comes down to it,
you never made the most of it.
So i cried, cried, cried.
Now i say goodbye.
And i wont be made a fool of...
Dont call this love.

-Christina Perri

Pointless hope

I guess it's ok to admit,
that i wish this were true.
And if it is...Im hoping.

------------------->

So it hits the fan

Well it would be stupid to deny that im not hurt, i am. What did i expect....thats love.
It burns, it destroys, it sucks. The truth of the matter is this:
Im dissapointed,
in myself.
I was very naive and vain in thinking that all would turn out well.
Im crushed, yet part of me has stopped crying and now im just looking
forward to becoming strong. Thats really all i want right now, strength.
And the ability to not feel so shriveled up and empty. Im longing to feel, something
other than shock. Hope? Anger? Forgiveness? Im not sure. Theres nothing to be mad
about. Thats the hardest part. Im not mad. I could never be mad at him. He did absolutely
nothing wrong, hes caring and smart to end it the way he did, and i have only respect for him.
The issue is:
I let myself become so attached, so involved, so dependent and small that i lost my ability to
detach myself easily, im practically having to scrape myself away from him, away from what we had. Away from everything i wanted. or...thought i wanted. I realize now...i was wrong.

I DONT KNOW WHAT I WANT

A Warning!!

Stop!
If you are who i think you are, please stop reading this blog. This is not meant for you.
This is solely to rebuild myself after being torn apart. I would appreciate it if you at least gave me that.